redeyevision

Last week, I had this thing going with two of my co-workers.

We were hanging out down in Gatlinburg and doing the stuff one does down there in the Great Smokies, you know. And I'm riding in the back seat getting turn-a-bout hand and blow jobs from the women of my cubicle community.

And this is what children do to you - put you on the abstinence plan.

The next thing I know I'm groggy and furiously fumbling for the meaning of my sexual dream about my obese, post-menopausal associates.

But the glory of September and its college football blessings are among us now and last evening while enjoying the grandeur that is South Eastern Conference football against the back-drop of Mississippi willows, a couple of things occurred to me:

1) How much more gay Sports Illustrated has become with its college and pro football athlete profiles. Are they trying to become Men's Health?

and 2) I've never read a William Faulkner novel and so will make that my fall project while watching dangerous young men run into each other and make lots of money for the SEC.

But the South is beautiful and I've always read Faulkner captured its mysterious graces and paradoxes.

I've got to agree with something Garrison Keillor wrote the other day. We should take away health-care for all those with Bush Cheney stickers and make them use faith-based medicine, then we can give them a break on capital gains.

Mississippit State put up a heck of a fight against South Carolina. But they'll be overmatched by most of their conference competitors. Starting QB's on both teams went down. It's the first game of the year and there's always blood between the hedges.

Go on and get to your baseball playoffs, your well-paid Yankees, sit around for hours waiting for left-turners to take to rubble, get your fantasy draft underway and your expert opinion.

I'm announcing my mourning period is over for USA basketball and its quick-hit isolationist strategy against well-formed, cohesive international teamwork.

Give me football and Faulkner and foliage and another Saturday in the South.